i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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