I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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