I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
