I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
