he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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