i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
