Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
