I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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