Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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