I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
