does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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