Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
