no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
