Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
