When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
