So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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