My first STD was from a foam party
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
