Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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