well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
