I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
