Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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