Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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