I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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