Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
