I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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