Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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