you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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