Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
