I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
