I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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