Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
