You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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