chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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