Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize