too bad you live with your parents still
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
