i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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