Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
