you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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