so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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