I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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