i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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