I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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