i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
