I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
