I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
