You really coming over, don't trick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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