Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
