Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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