CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
