Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
