Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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