Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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