I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
