i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
