I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
