Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
