I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
