I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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