Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
