omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
this hospital has no fireball
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
