2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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